November 24, 2020

I’m not the listener I thought I was

“It’s important to tell your story. It’s important to listen.”
― Francesca Lia Block

Wheat (from my coloring book)

I’ve always prided myself on being a good listener. Afterall, I spent 12 years as a journalist listening to other people and writing stories about what I heard. Never once was I accused of misquoting someone. Maybe I did and they never told me. I sure hope not.

Lots of people have told me I am a good listener. Some talked and talked and talked and I stayed quiet. But that’s not really a two-way conversation.

And then there were the times I tape recorded the speaker. And even though I listened carefully, when I played the recording, I realized how much I missed.

Reality check

But as so often happens in life, you really learn some things about yourself when you live in close proximity to another person. You learn that you’re not as great as you thought you were.

The other day my husband and I were having a conversation about a stressful subject. He was venting about the topic and I interjected with a comment. He objected and said he just wanted to be heard.

Tom spent many years as a therapist and he told me that one of the most healing things he could offer his clients was just to listen to them. The world is full of people who just want to be heard. It’s kind of sad they have to pay someone to listen.

The difference

It’s a lot harder to really listen to someone when you’re in a close relationship and you’re emotionally involved. When what they’re saying affects you.

It’s different from listening to a politician make a speech or an artist tell you how he creates a painting. It’s different from having lunch with a friend and hearing an update on her life.

So I’ve started journaling about this topic. I’ve already gotten some wisdom by writing about it. There’s probably more to come if I put my pen to the page and listen to my own inner voice.

Writing spark

Consider in your journal whether you are a good listener. Do you really hear others when they are communicating with you? Are you formulating a response while the other person is talking? Do you pay attention to signals from body language and tone of voice? How can you give others the gift of being heard?

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a
listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

― Leo F. Buscaglia

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